Become an active player during IVF as a man
The system of fertility programs, based on my own experience, takes men as side characters. No problem at all, bad systems are there to break them
Did you know what ‘infertility’ means? The definition is very simple: if a couple has unprotected sex for 12 months and they are not able to conceive, they are labelled as infertile. I was sincerely surprised by this simple definition.
Unfortunately, most people still identify infertility as a ‘woman problem’. Although if we check on the main causes of infertility, we can find it easily that nothing can be further from the truth. For me, the turning point definitely was, when it turned out that - based on my spermiogram - I was an active participant in our lack of success. Before that I supported actively my wife, but then it became a completely different story. Even though if you have award-winning sperm quality, you still need to participate in the program with the same dedication as if it were all up to you.
"Don’t wait to be asked for staring in the movie. This is not Hollywood. It’s simply one, if not the most important movie of your life."
When I found myself in the world of IVF, I had to face the fact that everything is apparently all about the woman. In this story I felt like a “supporting family member”. There are a lot more tests and examination on her, some of them can be painful (fallopian test), and she even has to undergo a surgery (egg retrieval). These are the physical parts of the fertility program. I can’t take the hormones, or go under a surgery instead of her, even though I would do it happily. But there are many situations where I can make my partner’s job easier with my presence and support.
I don’t want to be a passive character in the story. I would like to have a child with her, such as much as she wants it. I can never leave her alone under any circumstances. I always want to be there for her, and make her feel, she can count on me. It’s also true if I play a more active role, I can own the process much more as well. It already makes an enormous difference when instead of saying ‘we have to undergo fertility treatment because my wife cannot have a child naturally’, I take it as ‘we, as a couple’ have fertility problems.
Your partner will need a constant emotional support. She is going to go through so many challenges over the process. Don’t be surprised if she laughs when she supposed to feel sad, and the other way around, and it won’t be the weirdest situation believe me. During these difficult weeks, you will be her rock, because you have to be.
The system of fertility programs, based on my own experience, takes men as side characters. No problem at all, bad systems are there to break them, it doesn’t have to be, work this way. Feel free to be more active in the process, first of all it will make your partner happy, and secondly you will be proud of yourself. Believe me, this will be very much needed too.